Hypothetically Thinking...

WARNING: THIS POST IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!


This morning I woke up to my cat making very strange noises. I was a little groggy, so it took me a few seconds to figure out what was going on! I turned toward Dot and saw that she was staring intently at the ceiling. I looked up in the direction to which she was so intent and saw a blob. It looked like someone had accidentally smeared paint as it was the same color as my accent wall. I wondered why I had never noticed it before! Everything is a shapeless blur without my glasses so I put my glasses on and saw that this "blob" was making its way down the wall at this point. My first reaction was to curse the fact that I don't have a roommate (or spouse) to kill it for me; and secondly, looked around for a shoe to take care of the deed myself.

Following my successful mission, I began to wonder from whence it came and how many more there might be around my 800 square feet of fun! I looked at it closely and my mind began to wander! I began to think about how the frequent baths I have given my pets has washed away lots of fleas down the drain. What if I was watching evolution as it happens? Is it possible that all those fleas could morph into one medium-sized cockroach (at the very least, it sounds like a good B-grade movie to me)? Is that such an outlandish thought? After all, fuzzy caterpillars evolve into beautiful butterflies, why can't dirty fleas turn into nasty cockroaches? Man, I'm gonna get rich with this discovery! Just remember folks, you heard it here first!

That Flea-Bag Dog

This is what that human put me through today because that stupid excuse for a dog couldn't stay away from the fleas! She not only gave me one bath, but two! Then, once I was all dry, she had the audacity to rub more stinky stuff on me and get me all wet again! Doesn't she know that cats bathe themselves? I'm not the one who rolled all over in the fleas! And, before she put me in that round thing filled with water, she
had the nerve to sit me down and cut off my nails
so I couldn't even use my claws on her! I got my

revenge later when I threw up a hair ball on her carpet! Ha ha!

I don't know. Sometimes I like that crazy human but most of the time I just want to get out. I'm sick of my confinement! I swear, one of these days I'm going to make a break for it and I'll be foot loose and fancy free! Although, that would mean I won't have that nice litter box and great food! The dog's not so bad when he's not so flea-infested! On the other hand, maybe I'll stick around for a little while longer! I'll keep you posted!

I Think I Could Do Better "Then" That

I must be on a word kick lately!

One of my biggest pet peeves is when published words are misused when they should have been edited. There are two popular songs I hear on a regular basis that drive me crazy every time I hear them! The first is the song by Carrie Underwood called Before He Cheats. The lyrics say "I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl. Cause the next time that he cheats, you know it won't be on me." I can't listen to this song without thinking about this line! Carrie, I love you but, he won't cheat on you if you're not with him anymore!! However, he might cheat with you if you are not with him.*

Next we have the new Taylor Swift song, Our Song. The lyrics are "our song is the slamming screen door, sneakin' out late, tapping on your window. When we're on the phone and you talk real slow cause it's late and your mama don't know." Okay Tay Tay, I know you're young, but I'm not sure how talking "real slow" is going to keep your mama from hearing you on the phone. Perhaps talking real low might help, however!*

*The lyrics used in this post do not necessarily reflect the views and beliefs of the author. Kids--cheating is wrong and you shouldn't ever sneak out of your parents house late at night---or anytime, for that matter.

Word Forms

Today, while shopping at the Wal-Mart, I was perusing the doggie treat aisle. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a woman coming with her shopping cart. Before I could move out of the way I heard her say, "Can I be over there?" My initial reaction was to respond, "Not if you're over here," but I suppressed my urge and moved aside.

Growing Older and Wider

I always thought I would be one of those women who would choose to grow old "naturally." However, now that I am in the throes of growing older, I'm rethinking my initial intent. As my hair is getting seemingly more grey, I color my hair a bit more---and it's not just for fun anymore. Also, my laugh lines are showing through so I decided to buy anti-wrinkle cream. Since that didn't seem to work, I now wonder how much an eye lift would cost!

I also find myself marveling at why it is that tops which seemed to fit quite fine a couple of years ago seem to be a little too short and perhaps a tad too tight! It must be some preservative in the thread that isn't working--right? Not to mention the pants in my closet! I wonder how much a tummy tuck would cost (can they do that to my butt, too)?

I do find myself thankful for the little life lessons (some of them were big, actually) I learned while in my 20's. Lessons such as we're all human and never be surprised at the mistakes people make as you just might make those same mistakes someday, life is not centered around me, it's okay to not be okay, it's just not okay to stay that way, and on a lighter note--there is nothing like a night out with just the girls. Thank you, Jesus, for the lessons You teach!

Even though getting older and wider is a tough trade-off for those life lessons, I guess those life lessons make it worth it and I can honestly say each year I'm a little older and wiser. Let's hope my 30's are filled with life and lessons as well, just not as difficult! But you'll still find vain me saying "here's to making enough money to combat the appearance of growing older."

Cheers, everyone!